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Today, my Biology class and I went to the Burger's Zoo in Arnhem! It wasn't cold at all, thankfully. We had to observe the chimpanzees...funny creatures really.
Afterwards, we went downtown and did some shopping and eating! Haha silly us...stuffing our faces with chocolate, "zoethout", bitterballen, olives, applepie, frikandel broodjes, many cups of coffee and coke...it was like we were running on speed. I bet the people looked at us and thought "We should throw those lunatics in the zoo"
I'm dead tired...but I'm feeling better mentally.
Erik remains a mystery to me, I don't what he wants from me. I'm suspecting a fuck buddy relationship, but I want to work away from that...I want more!
I'm excited for next week! It's our schools Christmas Ball..and I bought a pretty red dress and a friend of mine, Xander is taking me!
5th December 2006
I dont know what I'm aiming for anymore, what do I want?!
I honestly can't answer that question and it frustrates me just to think about it.
School is hectic, no joke - I'm still behind on so many things
My friends are miles away, I feel so alone - I just broke up with my boyfriend... badly...he was such a caniving asshole who was only in it for the sex ( not a problem ) but this time my feelings got hurt
And now I've found another, whom I seriously like ( I've never felt so strongly about anyone before ) but I don't know if the feeling is mutual, so I tested him by having my best friend add him on MSN and try to flirt with him but he knew it...so now he's upset with me because I was inspecting him, true yes but only to figure out what he truly feels for me.
I'm so confused, I miss my past
On a brighter side, for the winter break I'll be back in Charlotte - just to clear up my mind and trying to jam those Dutch schoolbooks into my head
11th July 2006
Well as some of you may know, I gots myself a job for the first time in my life...and I absolutely love it! I love the people I work with and meeting different people every single day...(im a waitress at a restaurant here in downtown Leeuwarden)
Next year is going to be exciting...starting school at Luzac in Eindhoven...the only thing that sucks is moving yet again and making new friends...screw it! I'm tired of it! One of my best friends hier, Aniek is being a total bitch about ughhh I get so frustrated with her...shes around me all the time but acts like I dont even matter, she can be so freaking fake
On a bright side, I cant wait until I go to Charlotte, NC...guys ill be there from August 10th- 21st...if you're in town, call me or get in touch with me so we can hang out!
And little Belgian Marie is leaving me! SO sad because I absolutely love her to death!
En voor de Nederlanders:
Ik ben zooooo boos dat ik Lowlands dit jaar mis, ik heb veel verhalen gehoort maar ja dan zit ik in de VS
En d'r is een feestje dit donderdag bij mij thuis! Mijn 'afscheids' feestje voordat ik naar Eindhoven eind Juli vertrek
In Leeuwarden natuurlijk - Alma Tademastraat 30...bel me als je vragen hebt (0624811750)
calm22nd May 2006
Well life is truely exhausting...I dont trust many people especially not men...I'm sick of them
- School has no meaning anymore to me...since I still have a month to go and I know I wont pass...so I just come for laughs - fuck the people who tell me I should at least 'try' my last days...please
- I yet again have to move and start all over...but at least its in the south of Holland where I grew up, but I dont want to...next year will be though, I have to pass - and try to beat the party animal out of me...and if i fail then well i just suck at life...that would be depressing
- Haha Ive come into contact with kids that went to elementary school with me...and me and an old friend of mine are setting up a 'reunion' to see how everyone turned out...since where all scattered across this little country...its quite exciting - especially seeing my first 'boyfriend'/kiss
- Needing the morning after pill for the third time in a half year is really sad...its funny how much I dont care like I'm immune to diseases and babies...I'm tired of being a little slut since I dont have boyfriends...no just sex with friends...I'm just a lustobject in the eyes of boys and cant get rid of that
- I need a job to get my butt some discipline and learn some better Dutch...since I still sound like a Dutch redneck
- I miss the states and the vibe it had but at the same time I'm glad I'm gone...I guess its just certain people whom I miss
- I love Kyle for randomly calling me during class, it made me smile!
- I do
notlike attention...I'm an egotistic bitch on the inside...I envy people but that doesnt mean I'm jealous of them - I hate still being in high school...I feel stupid
- Oh my, all of my cigarettes are gone and I'm already shaking
9th April 2006
Well life at this moment is...
irritating - Dutch girls are fucking clones...they all look a fucking like ( stupid goddamn sluts ) as for the Dutch guys with their weird hairdos and macho attitudes makes me want to commit murders with the use of coco-cola bottles that I will stick up their buttholes if they come to close ; old women with weird 'modern' glasses and funky dyed hair is not cool ; knowing I wont pass this year yet I'm finishing it until the end seems useless
interesting - Taking my mother out for the night in the town...dancing, drinking and making fun of people ; Wondering where all of my money went after 2 weeks and spending about 200 euros...hmm ; Travelling around the country visiting old friends being goofy like we used to with joints in our hands and a water gun in the other ; Being a matchmaker but failing immensily by feeding my friend drunk and high while my other friend wanted to fuck her ; Burping at cats...
gloomy - Not knowing what the fuck I am going to do in the next 5 years ; Being alone without my family...even with this freedom...sucks! ; Having to clean up, go grocery shopping, riding my bike in a skirt and having the wind blow it constantly up to my ass while many Marrokkans yell "Hallo lekker dushi"...pff don't make me shoot you foreigner!
beautiful - Realizing this is the place for me despite all of my downers at this point ; Meeting the most amazing guy who I feel I can actually grow old with...my own teddy bear ; Having friends at my side who will smack people with a bra just for the hell of it or 'accidently' spit out our gum into someone's hair ; Actually feeling older than I am...adult diapers here I come!
curious17th January 2006
creative6th January 2006
Well my adventure back to Charlotte...gave me a new insight...dont exactly know what, but man has everyone changed...or maybe I've just changed?
Man anal sex...what do I say about that one? It hurts even if it isnt your first time...my butt was freaking sore 3 days afterwards
I'm moving out of my aunts house next month and moving in with my best friend, Johanneke...with 6 other people to a house, that should be a lot of fun...I can't wait...since anything is better than living with my aunt whos from the wicked east
I'm addicted to cigarettes, I cant stand children, I hate firecrackers, fucking 28 year olds might not be a good idea, I cant save my money worth my life, I've never been in a serious relationship- doesnt really attract me but it could happen, waiting scares me
crazy11th November 2005
I feel like such a mess lately...its like I hate myself and what I'm doing...always going out not caring...when in a reality...I really should care about my life - its like I think this "need" to get an education...is ridiculous, why cant we live like primitives and hunt/farm our own food...but without an education your basically looked as scum of the earth...well what if I dont want to be a doctor or work in a McDonalds?
I cant stand the world today...I hate myself and all the alcohol and drugs...I'm sick of it, I feel like I'm not going to end up anywhere...I'm no good to anyone...I'm ugly both inside and out
I hate the way I think, the things I do, how much of a goddamn slut I can be ( just to make me forget everything ), how freaking much I drink, how much I dissapoint those I love...I'm scared of what's ahead of me...what will become of me?
crushed2nd October 2005
So...wow I'm beginning to warm up to this country ( even though its bloody cold now...damn being up so high on Earth )
Last night was a lot of fun...Johanneke, Martin, Alfons, Piet and I al went to a show in Heerhugowaard...because the boys had to perform there ( their band is Icepick...just so you know ) and well the trip took about an hour and 45 min. from Leeuwarden...I almost passed out in the back seat because long car rides make me sleepy...so what they did was kept honking, turning the lights on and off, and yell to keep me awake...quite amusing actually
Well with me being a dumbass and all...I decided to weer high heels...man NEVER AGAIN! But the show was awesome...we got in free because we pretended to be the girlfriends of the band...haha the boys didnt mind...and we got free beer and food! GO US!
Johanneke and I were in desperate need for cigarettes too...because I ran out...well what we did is run our asses over to the nearest gas station while it was raining ( me bare feet ) and in our tiny shirts...man it was great...we were about to hitch-hike too but that would have been sketchy...so of course our lungs couldnt hold all that running in one night...so we took it slow coming back
Well after the show...and meeting tons of people, you know how I roll...we went baack to Leeuwarden...I basically passed out...and me trying to walk in heels to the bar was just not working with me...well when we got to the bar there were a bunch of old farts there drunk and dancing stupid...so you know what we did?! WE JOINED THEM!
Man, I havent had this much fun in a while...I needed this!
So I have to get Johanneke in a bit because were going to watch movies!!! WOOHOO
crazy27th September 2005
Wow...being here is definitely a culture shock...even for my original Dutch ass
School is like sooo much cooler here...they treat you like college kids...meaning: they give you homework every week, and most of the time they don't even check it...the schedule is lenient too, sometimes I have to be at school 11:45 other times its 9:15...the people are much younger than me, so that makes me the "cool" kid on campus, well not really, because I'm a dork
The environment is awesome too...you don't need a car to get around ( only a bike, laugh if you must but to all you fat kids out there...it'll do you justice )...people go out Thursday ( college night ) and the weekend to bars, pool halls, clubs, and coffeeshops ( where you can buy joints for 4/5 dollars...and trust me its not like that American bullshit )...so basically its a guaranteed good time when you go out
The people here...well lets just say theyre different...theyre all skinnier and there are so many more pretty girls around ( not like those fake blond, tanned barbie dolls )...but the boys on the other hand a like rednecks to me ( not American rednecks but Dutch ones wear most of the boys look like theyre gay supermodels ( no offense to you gay people ) and where they slick their hair back with gel and act like they are all that...just not my type of guy...but there are cooler people here, theyre just hard to find and luckily I've met a couple of them
So yeah...that about sums it all up...but I still miss you guys in Charlotte like crazy
( Friends = Love )
chipper